Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Blank page syndrome

I have issues sometimes. Well, no duh, all things considered. But my specific set of issues I'm referring to here is wanting to keep a journal/blog that's personal without being angsty; informative without being preachy, and entertaining without imitating people like Pervocracy or Hyperbole and a Half or The Bloggess. It's like, they've written about some of my issues better than I could. And they are awesome. So I sit down with this nice fresh screen in front of me and just go "...."

"I got nothing."

I'm also worried about being perceived as a whiner or just an emo person with emotional issues. Which is kind of silly, when I think about it, because, despite people's assertions to the contrary, we all care about what some people think of us. We might be fine ignoring the opinions of society at large (except when we're not, because having stuff like being queer or kinky or genderqueer or following a minority religion or being nonmonogamous be seen as not bad things would be such a fuckin' relief), but we all have someone who can crush us with that "I'm disappointed" look. And I'm afraid I'll be seen as badmouthing people like my exes, who, after all, didn't intend to be emotionally abusive and trigger some of the worse flashbacks and depressive episodes I've ever had. But then I wonder why that matters, all things considered.

I term these cyclical thoughts "brain hamsters." And wish my two kitties would start eating some of them.

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